Ja je leest het goed! Voor me eerste CWS (engels schrijven) paper heb ik gewoon meteen een A!!
Ben echt superblij, vooral omdat ik voor O.cheme een A- had (89) en voor Psychology een B (72)
En onder me paper had ze geschreven dat ik het heel goed had uitgewerkt en dat ik vooral heel goed al het commentaar opgevolgd had. Je moet namelijk 2 keer per week een nieuwe versie inleveren, dat wordt dan weer nagekeken of besproken en dan moet je daar weer mee verder gaan. En na 4 weken en 7 versies is dit het eindresultaat:



Try and fail, but don´t fail to try

September 14, 2011

CWS - EN 110

Annemarijke Rijkmans
 
The glorious history of mankind is full of stories about brave and heroic horses. Every soldier had his own loyal companion and together they were invincible. It has only been for the past few years that horses are seen as a hobby, or a waste of time and money. Luckily the horse-loving race is not extinct yet.


“Show me your horse and I will tell you who you are”.
For some people a horse is just a horse; a loving animal with whom you can have a lot of fun and from whom you can learn a lot. But if you let it happen, a horse can change your life. It can give you confidence, knowledge, patience and most of all: it can give you a feeling of love that you can only spoil with words. I have two horses and I think they mirror me so perfectly that they have taught me who I am.


From the day I was born I have always loved horses. One of my uncles had a farm and a big, black working horse, Martha. Every time I visited my uncle I stayed with Martha until my mom told me to come inside. I tried to clean her body but because she was so big (or I was so small), I always ended up stroking her knees. Sometimes my uncle took me and Martha for a ride, he would lift me up in front of the saddle and then we rode around the driveway. It was the beginning of my journey with horses.


When I was six years old I was finally allowed to take riding lessons, so I did. I loved to do it and I got better at it every time. After a few years I took private lessons with another girl so I could learn more and I started riding on one specific horse. His name was Beauty and he looked just like Black Beauty from the TV series. With him I learned the basics of dressage and because he wasn´t the sweetest horse in the world, he taught me how to really ride a horse. But still I was not satisfied; I wanted my own horse. I had been wining about it to my parents for a long time and I was just about to give up when my riding teacher said she found the perfect horse for me. His name was Macho and she was convinced we would make a good couple together. She persuaded my parents and made my dream come true: I got my own horse.


Macho is the kind of horse who can scare the living hell out of you. He is a big brown horse and he can be really intimidating if he wants to. But most of the time he is just the sweetest horse you will ever meet. He is very lively and curious; you can´t walk past him without greeting him, he´ll do anything to get your attention. And if he gets the chance, he likes to escape and go on a little fieldtrip around the stables.


The beginning with Macho was not really easy; because he was so big I had a hard time controlling him sometimes. But with some help from my teacher I learned a few tricks to handle him and when I finally got it right, we were a real team together.


Some people say that it takes a year to get to know your horse, and I think they are right. I also think that you can never truly understand your horse because we are just too different. And with Macho things just never make sense. One summer for example, he didn´t want to walk back from the grassland to the stables. As stubborn as he was he just refused to take a step forward. I tried everything; from food to riding but it just didn´t work. The only thing he did was walk backwards. So one day, after an hour of trying, I got the idea to turn him around and just let him walk backwards. And surprisingly it worked! After a few meters I felt sorry for him so I turned him around again, thinking he would give up now, but he didn´t. So the rest of the summer I had to walk backwards with him from the grassland to the stables.


I also started to compete in dressage competitions with him, but the thing we both wanted the most was to ride jumping competitions. After a year of training we were finally ready to compete in a jumping competition when we got an accident. Macho and I fell into the fence and hit the ground after rolling over a couple of times. I stood up immediately, but I was so dizzy that I fell down again. My teacher had to help me stand up and then we walked to Macho. He was still lying on the ground and it scared the living hell out of me. We had to pull him up and help him keep his balance, but luckily he looked fine. Macho was a bit sore and I bruised my neck, back and wrist. It took us both a few weeks to recover. After two months we started jumping again, the first time was a bit scary; I could feel him hesitate but after I pushed through everything felt fine again. A couple of months later we were ready to compete again, but things didn´t work out for us this time either.


After three years together Macho got sick. His back, neck and head were sore and because of that he was really unstable and couldn´t feel his legs very well. We went to different veterinarians throughout the Netherlands but most of them told us there was little or no hope for him. After a few months we found a veterinarian who was willing to take a chance. She told us that he had nerve damage but that there was a small chance of curing it with some alternative treatments. So we started with acupuncture and chiropractor treatments every few weeks and the rest of the time he had to move around as much as possible.


So I took him for 2 hour walks every day, but because he had so much pain he was not really happy about that. It hurt me to see my best friend struggling with every step. During those walks I thought a lot about what was going to happen. We did nearly everything together, from entering dressage and jumping competitions, to going to the beach to relax. But it killed me to not know what the future would bring to us. I was scared to think about the future so I tried to hold on to the past.
A few months after Macho got sick, the owner of the stables came to me and gave me one of his horses to ride. The main reason he did it was probably because he was sick of me walking around as if I had a depression. He always enjoyed watching me ride and he said I shouldn´t stop riding and that I should start afresh with a new horse.


The horse he gave me was really shy because she wasn´t used to humans. Her name was Bowendy; a 3 year old, dark brown mare. She wasn´t as big as Macho so I used to make fun of her and call her “my little pony”. Because she was so young she had to learn everything and at first I was not very serious about her; I just liked to have the opportunity to ride every now and then. But after a while we started to get to know each other and I found out that we could get along really well. Her character was similar to Macho´s, so she didn´t really feel like a new horse. She was also a fast learner and after a couple of months she already knew all the basics of dressage.


Bowendy was like most other young horses; she had a lot of energy and she was scared of everything. Every now and then I found her jumping up and down because a dog walked by, or she heard someone sneeze. After a while however, she began to trust me and she started to calm down a bit when she was around me. I tried to keep my distance and not get attached to her because it felt wrong to enjoy riding with her. It felt as if I had given up on Macho. But I knew I needed the chance to ride in order to fully focus on getting Macho better. I needed the chance to clear my head and enjoy riding again.


At that point things were starting to take a turn for the better with Macho. I was now allowed to ride with him for 10 minutes three times a week. I was as excited as an obese kid locked up in a candy shop. After a year of walking around in uncertainty, things were finally starting to look good again and I was looking forward to having a normal summer with Macho again.


But just as they say, “all good things come to an end”. After maybe 4 relatively normal weeks, Macho ripped one of his tendons. The whole year already felt like climbing the Mount Everest and every time I was almost on the top, someone stamped on my fingers and pushed me down again. And this time they were laughing at me while my life collapsed again.


So I could not ride again and I had to keep to a strict schedule of walking him every day. The first two weeks it was three times a day for 15 minutes, then two times a day for 20 minutes and so on for the past year and a half. It felt like someone was testing my endurance and my loyalty to Macho, it felt as if they were teasing me to see how much I could handle.


The first couple of weeks Macho and I were both a bit down. We couldn´t do anything we usually did together and after walking for a whole year already, it started to get a little bit boring. But one day something changed. I don´t exactly know what happened and why, it just did. Macho looked at me as if trying to say something. I know how many people say their horse or dog or cat speaks to them, but Macho gives you a look. A look that can make you laugh or cry, but this time it felt like he was trying to tell me that we should fight for it again. So we did.


A lot of people had already given up on us that year, but we always kept going. We are both abnormally stubborn and we never want to give up. And after someone suggested to me to put him to sleep, I was determined to show everyone that you cannot give up just because the odds aren´t in your favor. My new motto was created that day: try and fail, but don´t fail to try.


In the same summer I started to train more and more intensely with the new horse Bowendy, just trying to find a distraction from all the disappointments with Macho. I also started jumping with her. It was all going well until we had an accident one day. It was not very big: we both fell in to a fence. But it suddenly opened my eyes: I had experienced the same thing with Macho before he got sick. I started to realize what I was doing: I was using a 3 year old to make up for all the things I could not do with Macho anymore. And the worst thing was: it took me almost a year to figure that out.


You cannot get back what was, you have to move on in order to grow and enjoy life again.
So I changed everything. I treated Bowendy like I was supposed to treat her: like a young individual and not a stand-in for Macho. And when you revise your vision like that, you start to see the little miracles life gives you. It turned out that Bowendy was one of the most hardworking horses I have ever worked with. She was smart and wanted to learn everything, and above all: she became my friend. In only 12 dressage competitions we promoted 2 times and we won almost every competition.


I had to sell Bowendy before I came here, but I cannot be sad because she taught me to appreciate the little things in life again and see the best in the worst of things. Because of her I know that there´s always something good waiting for you, you just have to make the climb over and over again to make it there, so you might as well enjoy the journey.


Macho helped me grow to the person I am now. He taught me how to take care of him, he gave me confidence and strength and when we accomplished something together it made me feel like I could do anything in the world. He was always waiting for me and I knew he would never give up on me. It felt like he had faith in me, even when I didn´t. He gave me courage to try new things and perseverance to never give up. But I learned even more from him when he was sick: I saw him fight the pain every single day but he just didn´t want to give up. He taught me to listen to my own heart and to not care of what everyone else may think of it. He taught me to be true to myself. And he is one of the reasons I am here. He made me more determined about becoming a veterinarian and following my dreams. And that is exactly what I am doing right now.


Bowendy was like a shrink to me. She released my doubts and worries and cleared my head. She made me see the world in a brighter perspective and most of all: she taught me to enjoy the little things in life. Because of her I could laugh when Macho got confused, stood on his own feet and nearly fell. She made me feel happy again. I also learned to treat everyone like an individual and that you should not judge or make stereotypes from previous experiences. But the main thing I learned from her is that you can always change your opinion or your judgment and that you should. Don´t hold on to what was but look at the future with an open mind and let life surprise you.


Macho is still alive and recovering, he will never completely heal but that is fine with me. As long as he enjoys his life and he doesn´t have a lot of pain, who am I to give up on him? I miss him every day I´m here, but I know he´s been taken good care of. He has 7 persons looking after him and I know he loves the attention. I sold Bowendy to an acquaintance and after a slow start they get along just fine now.
Saying goodbye to the both of them was hard but I will never regret them coming into my life. They taught me to fully live my life and to take a risk every now and then. In Holland we say: “Success is not the end, failing is not fatal, it is the courage to live that counts”.


Sometimes life sucks and all you want to do is sit in your room, feel sorry for yourself and eat a lot of chocolate. But that´s not the solution; you are just hiding from the world and getting fatter every second. You have to put yourself out in the real world in order to succeed in life. You will get hurt and be embarrassed and you´ll be pushed off of the Mount Everest a lot of times. But in order to really truly live, you have to grow every day and that takes a lot of courage. You have to see the world with an open mind and you shouldn´t be afraid of a challenge. So try and fail, but never fail to try.


Annemarijke Rijkmans